Parenting and Leadership
I’m currently reading a book, ScreamFree Parenting (for the second time) because a 7-year-old is totally different than a 4-year-old 😅
This time around I’m really leaning into the author's teaching that I’m in charge of my emotions - not Ellie. And to not take the things she says personally…not easy!
”ScreamFree™ \’skrēm’frē\: learning to pause so you can respond more and react less; taking hold of your own emotional responses no matter how anyone else chooses to behave; learning to focus on yourself and take care of yourself for the world’s benefit.” - Hal Runkel
Their (our kid's) job is to push boundaries and get a rise out of us and our job is to not only hold the boundaries but to not take things personally or lose our shit.
Okay - let’s just pause because that’s hard AF to do!
And, just to check in…let me get this right: by 7:30 am when they’ve complained about it being Monday, complained about the bacon not being crispy enough, complained that the coat we ordered yesterday isn’t here yet, shared the fact that their current coat is just awful, complained that the same kid at school who drives them nuts is going to be there again and complained that they’re getting a waffle instead of french toast….I’m supposed to just…be cool?
Ha!
And now you all know why I hire a tapping coach. Some days I’m about to tap a hole into my collarbone to not lose my ever-loving mind!
As I got in the car yesterday morning I shared my thoughts out loud with Ellie (Too much? Maybe, but here we are)
Me: “Ya know what’s hard about parenting and that I’m being reminded of in this book I’m reading?”
E: “what” probably with an eye roll as she picked at her non-crunchy bacon and waffle
Me: “That I’m not supposed to take all the things you throw at me personally. That it’s just you sharing your thoughts, frustrations, etc. and while they feel like they’re “at” me I’m supposed to hold my composure. Because if I don’t then you feel you have to help me control my emotions. And that’s not the job of a child. And that I have to set and hold boundaries. Because while you don’t want me to you actually need me to.
E: “oh”
Me: “Yup. So this is just me not taking everything you threw at me this morning personally and just playing it cool and holding the boundaries that we’ve set.” With a forced smile and tapping on my collarbone!
A couple of minutes go by…
E: “can you help me find a green car for the rainbow car game?”
A: “you bet”
***exhale***
It’s now 8:30 am and I kind of feel like I’ve been hit by a bus of emotions and that I may need a nap, but now it’s time to turn on the business brain.
And as my business brain turns back on I think of how this can relate to employees and even customers.
How both of them tend to bring their own baggage and how we have to be able to take it in, not take it personally, keep our boundaries, and not lose our shit.
Day. After. Day.
Ha!
What if each day we tried to pause more in these moments rather than simply react?
Would it create a learning lesson we needed to see?
Would it create more trust?
Would it save a customer because we didn’t react, but simply listened?
I definitely don’t have the answers to these questions, but just getting curious. And with curiosity, I’d love to know your all thoughts on this…and if you’ve read the book!